The Bert Show: She Doesn’t Want His Ex-Fiancé’s Ring, But It’s An Heirloom

Got drama in your life that you want advice on…but want to stay anonymous? No problem!

Send us an email at [email protected] (and mention you want to stay anonymous) and we’ll tell your story on the air and get the advice you need – without saying who you are!

Our listener is certain that her boyfriend is about to propose to her. She excited, but thinks the ring will be the same one her gave to his ex!

Should she give him a heads up that she doesn’t want the ring?

Here’s her email:

So, I think I’m in an interesting dilemma, and I assume it’s a unique situation, but maybe not. Surely, it’s happened to someone, and I’m not sure how to handle it. So, first you need to know that I’m probably getting engaged this weekend. Which, I am absolutely thrilled about. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.

You should also know that my boyfriend has been engaged before. They broke up not long before their wedding day. Well, the other day my boyfriend got a text from his sister. It popped up on his phone when it was on the kitchen counter, and I saw it. I didn’t see the full exchange, but her text that I saw must have been in response to something he wrote and it said, “that’s great! Are you going to use grandma’s ring again?” Now, I never knew that he had a family ring nor did I know his previous fiancé wore it. Obviously, I don’t know what his response was. So, here’s where I’m confused…if he does propose with this ring, am I obligated to accept this particular ring? While I would have been honored to wear his grandmother’s ring, I really don’t like that I’d be the second person he asked to wear it.

Do I say yes, accept the ring and always be upset to know I wasn’t the first? Do I say yes and then bring up the ring’s history and tell him i’d like something different? Will that make him angry? Do I intervene before an official proposal and tell him that I would hypothetically not want a ring worn by his ex. Is it common to wear a ring that was once on another woman’s finger? What do you do with a family ring when an engagement or marriage ends?