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Out listener is concerned about the boy her son has a crush on. The boys hang out at her home but she doesn’t know if she should continue to provide a safe space for them.
Her email:
First, I promise not to be as ask-hole, I feel as though that is important to establish out the gate. With that said, here is my issue: my son is part of the LGBTQ+ community. He came out to me 2 years ago at the age of 12, and I was THRILLED! I had always had a sense about him, and was so happy when he finally felt like he was free and trusting enough to be his authentic self. I literally squealed with excitement when he told me, and gave him the biggest hug ever, telling him I had secretly been planning his coming out party for years! Sadly, he wouldn’t let me go through with the party…I was kind of bummed. Anyways, if possible, his coming out to me made me love him even more!
We now live in CA (near San Diego, as a matter of fact) where he goes to school surrounded by other LGBTQ+ members, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the supportive community we have here. Had we stayed in Charleston, as much as I love and often miss my hometown, I know the situation wouldn’t be the same. Fast forward 2 years, and he has his first reciprocal crush, we will call him Ned. It’s adorable, and Ned is just the cutest and sweetest thing! However…Ned’s parents don’t know their son is into boys. Not only don’t they know, but they are vocally homophobic. As you can imagine, this causes their son to not be able to live authentically, which absolutely breaks my heart. My son wants to be able to have hang out sessions with Ned, and has even asked that Ned be able to come over to our house for a few hours to bake together (Kristin, my son is ADDICTED to the Great British Baking Show), and watch a movie. With me home, I have zero issues with this tasking place. But, am I assisting in Ned being dishonest with his parents? To be clear, they know where he is, just don’t realize that the hang out time is intended to be more than just “friends”.
Part of me is really struggling with feeling like Ned coming over without telling his parents *why* is endorsing him not being honest, and I think I would be upset, as a parent, if the tables were turned. I have absolutely NO intention of outing him to his parents. That is not my place, and I would never. But, should I not allow him to come over under a pretext of dishonesty? Or do I make my home the safe place for him to have the reprieve to be his authentic self for a bit of time?
Thank you for your consideration and advice! Keep being awesome!
